I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
