well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
