she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
