I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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