He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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