after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My ass is underappreciated
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
