At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
