the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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