The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
