Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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