I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
