Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
