Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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