Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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