the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
