we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
