I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
