Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize