I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
