I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
