if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
