do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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