Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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