he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
In America we eat man semen.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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