Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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