Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
