Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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