I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
