I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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