Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize