I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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