I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
