I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
