Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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