ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
