All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you had me at cake vodka
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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