i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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