i think my mom watched the whole time
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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