I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Alive.
So much puke
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
