I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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