i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
