My nipple is on Facebook.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
