WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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