I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
