What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
