Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
