he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
