she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
