He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize