He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize