At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
