I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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