Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
