Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
