My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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