he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
