He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
