he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
