I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
this beer tastes like vomit already
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
