I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize