it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
