Did I show you my penis last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
