i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
