I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
