I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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