I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
