you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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